IF IT COSTS ME MYSELF, IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
For a long time, I thought love meant sacrifice.
I thought loving someone meant being understanding.
Being patient.
Giving second chances.
Making things work.
But what I didn't realize was that somewhere along the way,
I started sacrificing myself.
My needs.
My peace.
My boundaries.
And that's what I want to talk about today.
Because I've learned that boundaries and self-love are deeply connected.
And honestly, I don't think we can fully receive healthy love from others
until we learn how to give it to ourselves first.
One of the biggest lessons I've learned over the last few years is that the way we love ourselves becomes the blueprint for how other people love us.
Think about that for a second.
If I constantly ignore my own needs...
Why would someone else think they're important?
If I don't respect my own boundaries...
Why would someone else respect them?
If I tolerate behavior that hurts me...
Why would someone else believe it's unacceptable?
The truth is that people learn how to treat us by watching what we allow.
And that's not always easy to hear.
Because many of us were taught that love means sacrifice.
Being a good partner, daughter, mother, friend, or family member means consistently putting others first.
But there is a difference between generosity and self-abandonment.
And a lot of us don't realize we've crossed that line until we're exhausted.
BOUNDARIES ARE SELF-LOVE
I've come to realize that boundaries are one of the purest forms of self-love.
Because every boundary says:
"I matter too."
"My needs matter."
"My feelings matter."
"My peace matters."
Boundaries aren't punishment.
They're communicating.
They're clarity.
They're self-respect.
And healthy people don't get offended by healthy boundaries.
Healthy people appreciate honesty.
Healthy people want clarity.
Healthy people want relationships built on mutual respect.
HOW WE LOSE OURSELVES
If you don't create clear boundaries in a relationship, you slowly lose yourself without even realizing it.
Because when there are no standards...
No communication...
No limits...
Someone else's needs, moods, expectations, and opinions begin shaping your life for you.
You start adjusting.
Shrinking.
Overexplaining.
Overthinking.
Trying to keep everyone happy.
Trying to avoid conflict.
Trying not to lose the relationship.
Until one day you look around and realize you don't even recognize yourself anymore.
I've lived that.
And maybe you have too.
LOVE SHOULD NOT COST YOU YOURSELF
Sometimes we allow people to treat us in ways that hurt us because we love them.
We're afraid that if we speak up, they'll leave.
If we say no, they'll get upset.
If we enforce a boundary, they'll reject us.
But love that requires self-abandonment isn't healthy love.
Healthy love doesn't require you to betray yourself.
Healthy love requires honesty.
Communication.
Mutual respect.
Growth.
And if someone consistently makes you feel anxious...
Confused...
Drained...
Or emotionally unsafe...
The problem isn't your boundary.
The problem is the relationship dynamic.
THE FAMILY CONVERSATION
And I know this becomes even harder when we're talking about family.
Because many of us were taught that family gets unlimited access.
Unlimited chances.
Unlimited forgiveness.
Unlimited tolerance.
But being related to someone doesn't automatically give them permission to create chaos in your life.
Family should not be a free pass for harmful behavior.
You can love someone deeply and still recognize that they are not healthy for your peace.
You can love someone and create distance.
You can love someone and have boundaries.
Those things can exist at the same time.
THE SHIFT
For me, everything started changing the moment I stopped asking:
"How do I keep this person happy?"
And started asking:
"How do I stay true to myself?"
Because protecting my peace isn't selfish.
It's responsible.
Peace affects my health.
My energy.
My relationships.
My motherhood.
My business.
My entire life.
Peace is not a luxury.
It's a foundation.
CLOSING
These days, I am training myself to ask myself one simple question whenever I'm making a decision about a relationship, an opportunity, or a commitment:
Does this nourish my peace or steal it?
Does this align with the life I want to have for my 40's?
And honestly...
That answer tells me almost everything I need to know and what is the best choice for me to take.
JOURNAL PROMPT
Where in my life do I need stronger boundaries to protect my peace, energy, and sense of self?
And what would change if I finally gave myself permission to honor them?
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